SUMMARY:
[Villain stuff from "As Time Runs Out", "Olympius Unbound" & "Web War"]
We charge directly into the aptly named demonic dwelling called Skull Cavern, and find the eerie laughter of Queen Bansheera echoing through the palace structure. Jinxer races into one of the farthest lower levels, buried deep underground, and exclaims, "What is going on in here?!" His goggly eyes can't believe it, as he witnesses a massive lava-like wall of fire burning before him. The laughter coming from within it is unmistakable, as Jinxer remarks, "Queen Bansheera! Oh, this is amazing! She's transforming!" He puts his hands together in evil glee, overjoyed about what he's seeing. Inside the gigantic flame wall, we see the Queen's malformed torso outline. She speaks to him, "That's right, Jinxer. It's finally happening!" Jinxer proclaims, "This is fantastic!" Just then, the other inhabitants of the Cavern journey down to see what the ruckus is. Loki asks, "Jinxer, what's going on?!" Diabolico, noticing the Queen's image behind the blazing curtain, adds, "Is Queen Bansheera alright?" Jinxer says, "Perfectly! She's finally transforming!" Vypra snaps her head towards Jinxer upon hearing this, quickly telling him, "Come with me!" Jinxer, reluctant to leave Bansheera's side during this incredible time, asks, "Now?!" Vypra motions him out, and grumbles in a very hushed tone, "Yes!" She grabs him by the arm and drags him out of the area, leaving Loki & Diabolico behind. Queen Bansheera soaks up the scorching heat, boasting, "Soon, we will rule the universe once more!" Loki & Diabolico bow before her majestic royal glow. Vypra takes Jinxer all the way to a forest on Earth (or else a very brightly lit wooded area of the Skull Cavern dimension). She looks around the location, which, judging by the patches of fog, might be the 'magical' area near the lagoon from "Neptune's Daughter". Making sure nobody is watching, Vypra frantically tells him, "Now is my chance. Make me a monster!" Jinxer catches his breath and argues, "But I couldn't possibly...!" Vypra grabs him by the coat and threatens him with force, "Do it, now!" Jinxer gives in, dusts himself off and says, "Alright! Alright! Give me a second." He pulls a demonic card from his pocket, and chucks it across the path. It impales itself in the side of a tree, which is fitting, since the card has a strange drawing of an evil tree on it. Jinxer begins to recite an incantation, "Bark and roots, transform with branches. Then let Vypra take her chances!" The card suddenly glows, causing the entire tree to do the same as well. The demon of the day is formed from this, sort of forming out from the trunk during the glow phase. He introduces himself, "Treevil, at your service!" Notice, he was in the Shadow World, as I called him there, "Woodrow". Given the odd nature of how Jinxer summoned him, it's quite possible there were more than one of his "kind" per se. They're probably brothers-in-logs! Enough speculating, Treevil bows before Vypra & Jinxer. She steps forward and comments, "Now it's OUR turn. YOU, and I, are going, to destroy the Rangers!" Treevil obeys, "With pleasure!", as Vypra stares into the forest. Her motivation for doing this as clear as root beer.
[opening credits.]
On the Lightspeed Aquabase, inside
the Aqua Apartments (Girl's Quarters), we find Dana with a long pointy stick that looks
like the robotic E.T.'s finger. She takes it and runs it along the "Make Your Own
Rito Revolto Model Kit" she has set up without his gear on. Dana points out many
bones of the human body, reading in order, "Carpals, radius, Ileum, humerus, ribs,
clavicle, scapula, cervical vertebra, mandible, frontal, temporal, zygomatic." Kelsey
watches as Dana reads them all off by memory, with a medical book in hand to check out
each to make sure she's on target. Kelsey shuts the book and tosses it on a stack of
others, exclaiming, "Perfect! You've named every bone in the human body three
times!" Dana picks up one of those freaky visible man figures, and begins to admire
his exposed colon. Kelsey walks over to the tiny kitchen area, and picks up a pear, before
turning to Dana and saying, "You know, someday, you're going to make a GREAT
doctor." Dana drops a bombshell by replying, "IF I can afford medical
school." What, Mitchell doesn't get paid worth a damn for running Lightspeed Rescue,
nor the Ranger Recruits? You'd think she could easily exploit her role as a Ranger to get
into any school, if push came to shove. Oh well, this is Dana we're talking about here.
She may be smart as a whip, but she's got her dimwit spells. Anywho, Dana hands a book to
her roommate and says, "Come on, Kels. One more time." Kelsey takes the anatomy
book, and prepares to open it, when the base alarms begin to blare. She puts down the
book, and her pear, and tells Dana, "Let's do it!" The two girls head off
through the door to join the others elsewhere. Momentarily, somewhere in Mariner Bay,
citizens are fleeing a large building. Treevil is on the scene, chuckling like a woodchuck
would chuckle or could, as he heaves acorn bombs at a skyscraper! It explodes, he tosses
another acorn bomb, and another part of the building goes kerplooey. The civilians stumble
out of harm's way, anyway they can, even rolling down stairs harshly. Treevil just stands
around, laughing as the crowds run around in a panic.
The Rescue Rover finally makes the scene, and upon parking, a stray paparazzi snaps a
picture of the Humvee from behind. He's apparently hard up for something to shoot, hanging
around an ambulance and taking picture after picture. The Ranger Recruits exit the Rover,
with Carter stating, "Let's get the firehoses ready." Dana takes a first aid kit
out of the back of the Humvee, and looks up at the burning building for anyone to save.
Joel hops up on a firetruck and yanks down a hose, as Carter begins to adjust the water
pressure and hook the hose up. Kelsey, Chad, & Dana rush up a small flight of stairs,
and stop near the top to help free some people trapped under debris. Carter helps other
fellow firefighters out, as Joel hangs on to the firehose as it unleashes a blast of
water. A fireman next to him points out where to fire it, "He's back there!"
Joel having fun with his hose gets snapped up as a picture by the photographer. On the
level above, Dana tends to the people who were trapped under the rubble. They're fine, so
she heads up in search of someone else to help. Kelsey has her own injured citizen to deal
with, and Chad is getting the lines of fleeing people moving along nicely, leaving Dana
time to stand around and listen closely for the sound of a young kid coughing &
crying. She discovers where it's coming from, a huge pile of rubble beside the stairway.
Dana searches around, and eventually spots the child buried under the steps. She quick
calls on, "Chad! Kels! Come on!" They both react instantly to her call, both
leaping over the side of the railing to get there quicker. They help Dana move the debris,
though it's Chad who is the one to pick the child up and carry him... or her... over into
the arms of the trained paramedic/Ranger Recruit. Dana takes the kid as far away from her
first aid kit as possible, and begins to call out, "Medic! We need a medic,
stat!" Against the backdrop of a burning car, debris littered everywhere, and smoke
flooding everyone's lungs, the photographer spots Dana and sees an opportunity to exploit.
He must use a full roll on her alone, as he snaps away, getting a perfect shot of her when
she hears Carter shout, "Dana, over here!" Should note that a lot of these shots
that guy does ends up 'dramatically' turned into actual 'picture framed' images for a
second or two. Anyway, the image of Dana jerking a small injured kid's neck around while
hamming it up for the media, though pretending she doesn't seem him, goes over big with
that vulture, I mean, photographer. He swarms around her as she carries the kid, now
revealed as a girl, to the back of an ambulance with Carter's help. Dana tells the EMT's,
"Guys, I got one for you! I think she took in a little smoke." Just say no to
Camel Joe, kids.
Know what else weird lurks in the Mariner Bay Commercial Bank building from
"Trakeena's Revenge"? Apparently, the offices of Glitz magazine! It's true, as
we see a reused stock shot of the mirrored glass building we've seen before as the bank.
Even has the many ATMs around it. Anyway, on what is probably the 13th floor (I like to
think), we find the head honcho guru person, Koko Kashmere! She sits at her desk with a
huge stack of black & white glossies of models. Hot models, lots of 'em. The rich old
woman, who wears designer matching red hat with her dress, has complaints about every one
of the girls in the pictures. She states snobbily, "Too young, too old, too short,
too tall! Oh, Darling! These are yesterday's news! A dime a dozen, run of the mill! No,
no, no, it will not do!" Koko starts throwing the pictures all over her office,
causing her assistant to begin scrambling to pick them all up. She continues ranting,
"This Glitz girl has to have a sense of adventure...", she pops out from behind
a bamboo tree and growls like an animal to prove her point, "... she has to have
romance in her soul, like me, Koko Kashmere!", she grabs a bouquet of flowers and
poses with them, as her assistant stops the bamboo from falling over. Koko sniffs the
flowers and coughs deeply, yelling, "Remove these!" Should be noted, she always
rolls her tongue with nearly any R of a word. Koko returns to her desk and orders the
assistant, "Start from scratch! Look high & low, fare & wide! Find me, find
me, find..." She shoves everything off her desk, and ends up with the newspaper. One
quick glance at the front page and she's entranced. Koko gasps, "Oh! Exquisite!
Perfection! Find me HER!" She holds the paper for us to see, and what is it? Why,
Dana clutching the injured girl in her hands on the front page of the Mariner Bay Herald.
Makes me wonder how much time passed between this scene and the one where the picture was
taken. Usually, the Rangers don't let their demons of the day blow up buildings and then
get away for a few days like that. Just in time for the evening edition, perhaps?
[commercials]
Soon, whenever is anyone's guess,
Dana exits what appears to be the Mariner Bay library. She's sans Lightspeed Rescue
Jacket, and has her nose buried deep within a book. She barely pays any attention to where
she's going, when suddenly a white stretched limo pulls up in front of her, honks the horn
and startles Dana back to Earth. The license plate says "Glitz", and obviously,
whoever should emerge from it than Koko, who looks remarkably like Mrs. Howell from
Gilligan here. She steps out and shouts, "Dana Mitchell! Darling! Oh, yes indeed. A
little of this, a little of that. Oh, I have outdone myself!." Dana becomes fearful
when the old woman starts waving her hands over her body, though likely more confused. She
asks, "And you are?" The woman introduces herself as, "I am Koko Kashmere!
I take the little common people, and SHOOT them into the stars!" LITERALLY! Remember,
Glitz Magazine was shown in PRLG's "Double Duty", same logo and all. Carolyn
Pickets, Kendrix's doppleganger, was the cover model for it for some time. Then what
happened? She got picked to be on Terra Venture! There's as good and clear a reference to
the past as you can get, my friend. Koko taps Dana's chin and says, "And YOU, my
lucky lady, are going to be my new Glitz girl!" Dana is stunned, "Me?! A Glitz
girl?!" Koko confirms this, but Dana shakes her head, "I don't think so. I don't
even like having my picture taken." Koko is awed, saying, "Aww, how precious.
Shy... just like I was. Ehh." The old woman takes Dana by the arm and walks along the
sidewalk with her, stating, "Don't worry, darling. When i'm done with you the camera
will be your best friend! Everyone will know your face, and there will be money. Lots of
MONEY!" Koko takes out a huge wad of dollar bills and tosses them into the air to
prove her point. People on the streets do things, do things, do things, bad things for the
love of money. Like bend over and quickly snatch it up off the ground where Koko tossed
it. Koko continues, "Fame & fortune, darling. It's what makes the world go
round." Dana witnesses the people dashing for cash, and turns to the woman and
clearly stating, "Not my world. I have plans. I'm going to be a doctor!" Koko
must realize that most doctors get the big bucks, and ups the offer, pulling out yet
another fat wad of mean green, saying, "Really?! Well, I will pay you enough money so
that you can go to any medical school you want!" She waves the money, which are $100
bills from the bank of, I kid you not, "Motion Pictures Only", in front of
Dana's face. That changes everything, and Dana is fast with a happy smile, giving a slight
chuckle to Koko's offer.
Here we go, as the dance music that starts playing says. Dana puts on sandals, adds rather
dark red colored lipstick to her lips, and begins to pose under the hot bright lights of a
studio. Some guy takes pictures with a standard camera, as Koko sits to the side and says,
"I love this! Dana, darling. Relax! Smooth. Smooth!" Dana, all decked out in a
sparkly blue dress and a white scarf, with her hair permed and done differently than
usual, begins posing more smoothly in front of the wind machine. Koko tells her to give it
some energy, and that Dana does, buckling her body sharply. Koko asks, "Give me some
pizzazz!", and that Dana does. Problem is, the white scarf veil thingy slips away
from her wrist, and her Rescue Morpher becomes visible. Koko, quite the oblivious snobby
moron, gasps in horror, screaming, "Stop! Stop everything!" Dana's confused, as
Koko gets closer and asks, "What is that... thingamajig?!" Dana tells her,
"It's my Morpher." Koko's like, "Morpher? Ha! Remove it!" She claps
her hands and gives the cue for the wardrobe assistant to come get rid of it. Koko pats
Dana on the cheek and says, "Darling, until it's made of gold & diamonds it
simply will not do!" The wardrobe lady does as ordered, even though she doesn't
exactly agree with the old codger's wishes, as you can tell from her face. She takes the
Rescue Morpher off Dana's wrist, as Koko is heard clapping some more and yelling,
"Come on, everybody! Move move! Time is money!" Dana doesn't speak up for
herself, which is the moral of the story, by the way. Don't speak up, you'll be richer
that way! Forget being a doctor, in 10 years, when you're career's in the crapper, you'll
be playing naughty night nurse on Skinemax. Then all that training will come in handy.
...Where was I? Oh yes, Dana's all Dow-eyed and innocent acting, as the Morpher is
removed, taking with it a good part of her soul. Koko gets the machine blowing again, and
Dana returns to posing. It's supposedly perfectly, as she begins to unwind.
Dana's posing in pink! Dana's posing
in white! Dana's posing in red! She's got a little too much make-up on in that one and in
the next, looks like she comes from Planet Of The Madonnas. I suspect Judd spent WAY too
much time on these model shoots. Even "Double Duty" didn't linger on reminding
us how boring the fashion industry is! Anyway, Dana poses in gold, and Koko does something
snobby looking. This isn't a Dana focus episode, by the way, it's a Koko Kashmere spin-off
pilot. HEY! Finally, the modeling stuff is done! Somewhere in Mariner Bay, an acorn is
more than meets the eye on a small tree next to a set of tables. Treevil sprouts out from
one instantly, and appears before a bunch of surprised civilians, shouting, "Hahaha!
Boo!" The people flee and scream, and Treevil just loves it, tossing a few explosive
seeds at them and making large puffs of smoke & sparks, knocking the citizens down. He
even throws in a wooden expression of Austin Powers by quipping, "Yeah, baby!"
Meanwhile in Rescue Ops, Captain Mitchell tries in vain to contact his daughter over his
headset commlink. Little does he know that her Rescue Morpher is off sitting on a make-up
table, far away from open ears. Koko is giving more directions, making Dana spin around
like she's gonna take off into the air. The other four Ranger Recruits make it to Ops,
just as Mitchell gets sick of saying, "Dana! Dana, come in! Dana, can you hear
me?!" He turns to the team, a bit frustrated, ordering, "Go without her!"
All but Carter are fine with it, quickly rushing off to do their duty. Carter lags behind,
blinking and looking suspiciously concerned for his female teammate. He soon joins up with
the others as they slip out to Transport offscreen, and are up in the city in no time.
Before you know it, they're all Morphed, and directing people into a safe passage from the
impending battlefield. Once enough nobodies have been cleared, Red Ranger leaps up into
the air and aims for Treevil with a scissor kick. The wood demon not only blocks it, but
he strikes back, bashing Carter into a sparking heap back across the way. His teammates
rush to his side once he rolls near them. Treevil grabs a nearby sapling, pulls it out of
the ground, and smacks the green leafed top into the Green Rangers. That's one sour
sycamore, as he does the same to Chad, taking him down hard against a chunk of concrete
and remarking to our heroes, "You're just a bunch of saplings!" Yellow Ranger
remains by Red Ranger's side, probably helping him remove a splinter from his ribcage.
Joel won't be beaten around by a bush again, and firmly rises up, saying, "I'll show
this guy! Mega Battle!" He hits 865 on his Battle Booster while saying this, and as
activated, the Mega Battle Armor forms around his chest and arm in the green grid format.
Green Ranger holds his double fanblade weapon device on his arm, bracing it with his other
arm, as he gets the blade spinning, and then leaps into the air with it. Joel comes down
hard on Treevil, planning to chop him into mulch with his mighty Mega Battle weapon. He
does manage to chop the small sapling in half, but when trying to carve into the demon
itself, he finds Treevil far too quick acting. All strikes with his weapon end up missing,
the final one results in the double fanblade section getting held under Treevil's arm, out
of way of harm. Yellow Ranger hops over the demon and kicks him out of keeping Joel in the
lock. Treevil staggers backwards, allowing Green Ranger one good slash hit into him. The
wood demon growls, "You're barking up the wrong tree!" He then tosses an acorn
bomb at the Joel, who is taken unawares by the sudden attack. Upon falling on the floor,
the Mega Battle armor vanishes in a quick flash of light. Kelsey lunges for the monster
with a quick jump in the air. He punches her back the way she came, causing her to land
near the other weary Power Rangers. Treevil shouts, "Rangers!" Carter asks,
"What?", and the wood demon replies, "I'm leafing!" He shapeshifts
himself into a small acorn, before blinking out of sight with a fast teleportation. Our
heroes are unable to stop him from getting away. Blue Ranger immediately grabs his arm and
grunts in agony.
Soon back at the Aquabase, in the Transport Bay, the Ranger Recruits return with the
Rescue Rover. Technicians immediately begin checking the engine, as our heroes begin to
pile out of the Humvee. I should note, seating arrangement is changed due to Dana's
absence. Joel's riding shotgun, with Chad & Kelsey sitting near each other behind him.
All four of them show signs of injuries despite their being Morphed, such as scratches and
bruises, plus quite a bit of dirt covering them. Joel hops out first, remarking,
"That was brutal!" Chad adds, "And where was Dana, anyway?" Even
Kelsey doesn't know, stating, "I hope she's okay." She's more than okay, as up
in their quarters, Dana admires herself in a vanity mirror. She smiles and plays with a
pink feathered boa, realizing aloud, "Maybe I AM a Glitz girl." Dana plays with
her hair some more, until Kelsey comes in, saying, "THERE you are! Are you
okay?!" Dana tosses her mirror aside and giddily tells her teammate the good news,
"Kels, I had the most AMAZING day! You know that big fashion magazine?" Kelsey,
obviously a tomboy, shakes her head, to which Dana exclaims, "I'm the new Glitz
girl!!" She hops up and down excitedly & widely, causing Kels to stare at her
funnily. Dana poses with her boa, noting, "I got to wear these supercool clothes!
Jewelry, and makeup!" Speaking of makeup, Dana's ego subsides long enough to notice
Kelsey's battle weary body, asking, "What happened to you?" Kelsey grumpily
explains, "We TRIED to call you." Dana looks at her wrist and gasps, realizing
she forgot to get her Morpher back! Kelsey continues, fiddling with the boa and stating,
"But I guess you were 'busy'." Dana empassionately states, "I am SO
sorry." Kelsey scoffs and looks away from her. Dana sighs and sits on the couch, and
slowly removes her golden earrings. She looks at them and says, "I feel so...",
Kelsey finishing the sentence, "Stupid?" Dana agrees with that part, lowering
her face in shame. Kelsey sits next to her with her arms crossed, exhaling and saying,
"Well, I guess I could forgive you. Once." Dana giggles and hugs her teammate,
the two both smiling happily. Dana suddenly remembers all of the muck covering Kelsey, and
goes, "Ew! You're a little dirty." Kels then ambushes her with a tickle torture
attack, trying to get her filthiness all over Dana's pink outfit.
Sometime later, thanks to stock footage of some rides at a carnival, it's implied that
Dana & Kelsey went there. But we all know the truth. Dana & Kelsey walk down the
street, both giggling like schoolgirls on nitrous oxide, with Kels saying, "That
carnival was a blast!" Dana agrees, the two of them walking arm in arm, each with
their own set of Ranger colored balloons. They walk past a newsstand, and Dana glances
over just once, and is wowed. "Wow, it's me!", she says, as she rushes over to
the magazine section, where several copies of the newest Glitz are laid out. Dana's on the
cover in a bikini and a hat. Now, I know the show makes references to the speed of light,
but this is ridiculous! Either printing in the future is really quick, or Glitz rushed an
issue out overnight. Even then, that's stretching the Treevil plot a bit. When have they
ever let a monster beat them and not done something about it the same day? Never, anyway,
Dana picks up the issue, she turns to the layout pages of her in a bikini. One pic has her
chewing on her sunglasses, and another has her with them on her head. There's an article,
but if you try to read it, you'll discover they only made about 3 lines of actual words,
and then typed gibberish for the rest of the page. Dana is amazed, "Its really
me!", and Kelsey is as stunned as Dana, saying, "Wow! Look at you!" While
they stand there looking at the magazine, some man recognizes her as the Glitz girl. Dana
tries denying it, but the guy is like, "You ARE! Hey everyone, it's the Glitz
girl!" Funny, ain't it? Front page of the Mariner Bay Herald. Save the city a bunch
of times. NO SECRET ID, and yet, NOBODY knows her as the Pink Ranger! She gets mobbed by a
bunch of people here, who all want to get the Glitz girls' autograph. You'd think if THAT
many people knew who she was, there wouldn't be so many copies covering the newsstand,
would there? I like to think they're confusing her with that last blonde haired
pink-wearing Glitz girl. Yeah, that's the ticket. Kels is shoved out of the way as the mob
surrounds Dana. She's reluctant to be a celebrity, saying, "Oh no, I couldn't!",
one minute, and "Well, maybe just one", the next. She begins to scribble on
people's papers, when her cellphone rings. She answers, and it's Koko, who is getting a
facial and a manicure at the same time. Notice, there's a huge "Dana Mania!"
sign behind her. Anyway, long stupid scene short (yes, i'm breaking my own rules here
because this episode reeks), she has to be at a fitting in an hour, a limo suddenly pulls
up to where she is, without having any clue she was there, and she hops in, leaving Kelsey
behind. There's a metaphor in Dana letting her pink balloons be released into the air as
the limo drives off, but I can't figure what it is. The crowd disperses, and Kelsey walks
back to the base with her feelings hurt.
[commercials]
Oh boy! More "Dana is queen of
the world" crap! She stands up from inside of the roof of a limo, blowing kisses to
the crowd as tickertape is dumped all around her. Can I write this episode off as being a
nightmare of Captain Mitchell's induced by Mister Mesmer? Please? Oh, rats. Anyway, we see
three more Glitz mag covers, Dana Mania, Dana's corporate makeover, and Dana Dana Dana.
All three feature pictures shot during that first day of photography. Phones ring off that
hook at Koko's, with fan mail being dumped in by the boatload. The issues are supposedly
selling amazingly well, but why? Why, I ask you good people, WHY?! The only thing that is
saving this episode for me personally, is the fact that, Dana? All series, ignored.
Nothing really done in the way of focus episodes. So Judd is just going all out, blowing
things WAY out of proportion for the single real, last chance effort at focusing on her.
Look at Chad, nothing at all, then he gets a mega super fishbabe. Joel? Things with
Fairweather keep getting better every few shows. Carter? He gets a new toy every lunar
cycle! Kelsey? Erm. Pass. Anyway, it gets so bad, that Dana is on a cellphone, in the
Aquabase. Yes, that's right. The signal wouldn't work underwater, but there she is,
walking around the base, looking and acting NOTHING like the stern militaristic unique
Dana we met in episode 1. Mitchell supposedly spent years training her to be good at being
a paramedic and then a Ranger, and he's letting this happen, not saying a word? I'm not
buying it! Anyway, back to the Power Rangers series, not the Dana Is God show. She gets
mobbed by a bunch of fans on the Aquabase, the Cadets now fighting for her autograph.
Chad, Carter, Joel, and Kelsey sit at table in the galley together. Chad is wowed,
"wow! Dana a supermodel! I can't believe it!" Kelsey's quite jealous, mockingly
saying, "Me either!", as she uses a marker to give Dana's Glitz cover a beard,
mustache, and glasses.
Sometime later, likely 20 years judging by the timeframe of fame they've been allowing for
Dana's rise to stardom, Captain Mitchell holds a stopwatch and orders the Recruits to
"Go!" They're training in a park area, in their usual training gear. Chad &
Kelsey get really into the routine, rolling on the ground and climbing across the
monkeybars. Dana, who changed her training outfit to a rather revealing pink top, does
rather poorly on the training areas. She's more worried about breaking a nail than getting
a good time. When the team has to crawl on their bellies under a row of metal bars, Dana
refuses to get dirty, so she ends up bouncing, err, hopping over the bars, knocking each
one down on her way by. The running portion is next, with Carter & Joel neck in neck
for the lead. Dana, Chad & Kelsey all race in a similar speed behind them. Finally,
the rope climb time. One Ranger Recruit holds one side of the rope hung over a tree
branch, while another climbs. Dana holds one side of the one Kelsey jumps up, bracing
tightly to allow Kels the right amount of slack to climb easily. Then Dana's cellphone
rings (notice, her Morpher is wide open now, an actual production flub), she lets go of
the rope, and Kelsey drops into the mudpit below. Dana is whining about wanting the top
hairdresser, and "When I want something, I want it!" Kelsey, covered in mud,
gets up and storms over to this demon pretending to be Dana. She puts up her hand to Kels'
face as she continues talking on the phone. She finally gets off it, and Kelsey screams,
"YOUR HAIR?! That's what you dropped me for?!" Dana, who really is making it
easy for us to not give a damn about how her character isn't continuing for another, gives
the most bitch-tastic remark of, "Just because I CARE about the way I look, unlike
some people."
Thank Zordon, Captain Mitchell steps in. How many of you by this time want him either to
take her over his knee and spank the snootiness out of her, or want him to just snatch
that Morpher and kick her to the curb? I'm for a little of both. He asks, "Alright,
what's going on here?" Muddy Kelsey yells, "Miss Supermodel here thinks her hair
is more important than training!" Dana scoffs, "Why don't you just admit it.
You're jealous!" Kelsey is offended by that remark, noting, "I think this whole
thing has gone straight to your head!" Dana shrugs it off, saying, "Don't be
ridiculous." A limo pulls up and honks the horn, Dana whines about not getting the
white one she wanted. "Sorry, gotta go", Dana says with a fake Hollywood smile,
as she holds her nose up high and walks away. Kelsey has to be held back by Chad, because
she is literally about ready to go for Dana's throat! Carter, implied love interest, tries
to work up the confidence to talk back to the overnight Diva. He finally thinks of
something to say, and rushes down the hill to her said. Carter says to Dana, "That
monster's still out there." Her old self tries to break through, as confusion sets
in. She quickly gets going, not wanting to be persuaded into becoming likable again. Dana
walks off to the limo, leaving Carter behind feeling frustrated in many ways. Joel asks
the question I was asking earlier, to Captain Mitchell, "And you're going to let her
LEAVE just like that?" Mitchell replies, "I have to trust her to make her own
decisions." Of course, considering her decisions of late has put the team in
jeopardy, shouldn't that be grounds for a replacement by a Cyborg Ranger? Mitchell walks
away, leaving Joel angry that he's allowing her to get away with being a brat. Mitchell
calls out, "C'mon, let's get back to work." Seems that was a cue for the writers
as well, as Treevil is down at a power station or a water treatment plant or something. He
laughs to himself as he readies another acorn bombing, "I'm feeling a little bit
nutty!" He heaves it at some workers, making sparks behind them and causing a panic.
One or two more acorn bombs later, the four remaining Lightspeed Rangers race onto the
scene. Green Ranger leaps into the air, and does some flips, trying to come down on
Treevil with a powerful kick. Instead, the wood demon leaps up after him and strikes in
midair himself.
Over at what I suspect is the Fall Fashion Show, a white limo pulls up, with Dana inside.
She has yet another new hairstyle and new dress. Koko Kashmere is right beside her, and
the red carpet is just filled with photographers and fans, but not a single TV camera! I
could live with her being an overnight TV sensation, but print just takes too long to
spread to believably have her with such a massive following. As Dana waves to the crowd,
her Rescue Morpher suddenly beeps. She's about to answer it, when Koko grabs her arm and
says, "Ignore it!" Dana is worried, "But, my friends...", Koko
finishes it, "Can get by without you." Koko points out, "Look, the world is
at your feet, dear. Are you willing to give all this up just to be a Ranger, hmm?"
Dana pauses in her tracks and thinks about that question, which was intended to be a
snobby rhetorical one (speaking of Rhett-oracle, notice she hasn't once whined about Ryan
this whole episode? That's not right.), ends up making her question her new instant
lifestyle. Back at the battle, Blue Ranger's fancy martial arts moves are no match for
Treevil's really sharp wooden staked arms. He tosses some more acorn bombs, this time at
Yellow & Red Rangers. In the mood for some Futbol, Kelsey waits for an acorn bomb to
be pitched over her head. Then she leaps up into the air, and kicks it away from any
structural damage with an upside down kick. It ends up landing right smack dab in
Treevil's chest, knocking him down. Split second later, he's back up, and getting leaped
over by Carter, who grabs on to his stumpy head while Kelsey kicks him in the chest, with
Carter dropping down the back with an extra kick for him. Treevil lunges for Yellow
Ranger, who slips out of the way, allowing Green Ranger to engage the wooden demon in
combat. He does a lot of spins and dodges, but in the end, evil wins out, and Joel gets
kicked over to his pals, to regroup. Chad then rushes in to fight Treevil again, the two
of them throw the same kick at each other, causing both of them to be knocked back, though
Blue Ranger falls on the ground rather painfully. Kelsey helps him up, telling him,
"Chad, come on!" Red Ranger steps in front of them with his V-Lancer drawn. He
leads the charge, with the other three Rangers now holding theirs as well. They stand in a
row and aim the V-Lancers in laser mode at the demon. Treevil just stands there watching,
as the four Rangers shoot their quadruple beams into one solid ball of power high above
the ground. They then lower it, trying to smash into the creature with it like they
usually do with the Spectra-Blast. But it's too slow, allowing Treevil to grab the ball of
power and pitch it back to them! He hurls it into Red Ranger, the impending explosion
wiping all four Rangers out at once.
Our heroes are knocked back by the flamewall from their own attack reversed on them.
Treevil, standing in front of the distilled water tank, gloats, "You guys really are
wimps!" The Rangers struggle to get up from crawling on the ground. Chad points out,
"The V-Lancers just aren't powerful enough without Dana!" Kelsey agrees,
clutching her stomach and panting in agony. Treevil has another acorn bomb in his palm,
and makes a joke, "Nuts to you!" He tosses it at them, and they're all helpless
to move (cept if they rolled out of the way, maybe they'd stand a good chance). Yellow
Ranger covers her face as the acorn is about to fall on her, when, surprise, the Pink
Ranger rides into action on her Pink Lightspeed Cycle! She seems to forget about the
lasers on the bike, and instead is using her Rescue Blaster to hit the acorn in midair. It
explodes with no damage, Treevil is peeviled, and Kelsey is excited to see Dana come to
save the day. Pink Ranger parks her Cycle next to her team, and hops off the bike, saying,
"Hey guys!" like she wasn't being a witch a little while ago. Kelsey asks,
"What about the fashion show?" Dana puts her hand on her shoulder and proclaims,
"My modeling days are OVER! Being a Ranger is much more important!" She poses
ready for battle, and Kelsey cuddles up to her shoulder, saying, "That's great to
hear!" Treevil yells out, "I hate to break up this fuzzy moment, but i'm not
done here!" Pink Ranger agrees, "Neither are we!", she leads the V-Lancer
charge, the Spectra-Blast ball is formed, and with help of the Sentai stock footage,
tossed successfully at the wood demon. He tries pulling the "catch it" routine
again, but can't gain control of it, getting blasted quite severely when the ball flashes
a V and ignites. He's reduced to nothing but a cloud of smoke and fumes, prompting our
heroes to pose victoriously with their Lancers. Oh wait, not over yet! A growth card is
tossed off to one of his wooden-meaty chunks, presumably by Jinxer offscreen, though no
spell is read off to make him grow, he just does.
With a log monster the size of Paul Bunyon, Dana calls on the Lightspeed Megazord to come
online. We skip some steps and hit directly at the Megazord hookup, with Pink Ranger
saluting and saying, "Transformation complete!" The giant Treevil growls and
shakes his hands around intimidatingly under the sunlight. The Lightspeed Megazords walks
across the area, which is the outskirts of the city now for some reason, ready to peck
some wood. Treevil aims his hand to the ground, and shoots off a freaky root-attack. It
tears through the ground, and causes the Megazord to fall into a hole in the ground!
Faster than you can yell, "Miiiiike!", it drops to the bottom. Treevil takes a
peek down the crack, making sure that was the last of them, when the Lightspeed Ladder
arms pop up, the hands reach around his chest, and lift the Megazord up with his reluctant
help. Treevil tries getting the metal arms off his body, but as Dana exclaims,
"Gotcha!" The Lightspeed Megazord gets back on solid ground, and lifts Treevil
entirely in the air with the Ladder arms. He's flung over towards the mountains and
released, knocking the sap out of him for sure. Carter calls on the Lightspeed Megazord
Saber, it charges up, and he gets a little remark, "You'll be much more useful as
kindling, Treevil!" The Saber is ignited, the ring of fire is formed, and the blade
is dropped. Treevil falls and explodes, any splintered remains right where they belong, in
the forest below where he fell. The Lightspeed Megazord holds the Saber in hand and poses
triumphantly in the sunlight.
[commercials]
We're back where this whole mess really started, outside the library. Dana, wearing her Lightspeed Jacket, has her nose buried in a book. She bumps into the white stretched limo belonging to Koko Kashmere, who quickly gets out and cashes her down, saying, "Dana, darling! I can't believe you'd abandon me in my hour of need! But nevertheless, the public still wants you." She closes Dana's book, and prepares to haul her off again, stating, "So, we've got fittings at 2:00, we've got a shoot at 4:00..." Dana finally gains a useful trait from all these conflicting personalities, turning Koko down by saying, "I'm sorry. I'm just not cut out to be a supermodel." Koko nearly has a stroke, "What?! But what about your medical school!?" Dana has an impossible goal in mind, "I'm going to get there on my brains, not my beauty." Koko cries, "What will I do without you? Who will be my Glitz girl?!" Suddenly, Kelsey comes running, shouting, "Hey, Dana! Wait up!" Koko is in awe, inspecting Kelsey when she rushes to Dana's side. "Those eyes, that face!", she says while squeezing it like an insane grandmother, "You, my darling, are going to be my new Glitz girl!" Kelsey & Dana look at each other in disbelieve, giving a hearty chuckle, which quickly drops as they say dead seriously in unison, "No way." Koko's dreams are shattered, as she turns to the two snickering girls and goes, "Huh?!" Huh?!, indeed, Koko. That describes the whole episode, in an acorn nutshell. Not the worst episode ever, the acting was wonderful, just the story was running all over the place like cheap mascara in a rainstorm. The one thing we learned is Dana has the ability to change personalities at will, and thus, doesn't really have one at all.
[Scenes from "Wrath Of The Queen"; end credits]